I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
