I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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