We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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