I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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