no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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