if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
