Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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