TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
