it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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