Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
