I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
