I wanna passion pit in your ass
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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