I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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