my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
false alarm, still single
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
