All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
