At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
