3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
