Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
