I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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