I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
