Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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