I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
