I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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