The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So much Jack, so little girl.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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