Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
