Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
