I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
