You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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