the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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