No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
