i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Princesses don't give blow jobs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
