I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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