he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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