Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
