I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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