I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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