Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
