how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
