I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
