I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
