Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
