I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
