you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
