Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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