Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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