I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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