Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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