you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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