Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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