dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
