u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
