Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
