I showed him my bush... on skype.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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