just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
