Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
