News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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