A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
