It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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