I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
