I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
