Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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