Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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