just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
