Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
