WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
