Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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