i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
barbara walters just said penis...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
