How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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