Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
