I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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