he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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