her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
